A couple months ago he started complaining, loudly and repeatedly, that he really wanted to get laid because he hasn’t had sex since his divorce (about 2-3 years ago).
He seemed to listen to me at the time, but now, a month later, he is whining on Facebook that people aren’t finding his sex jokes funny and calling him a creeper. I’d dearly love to tell him that just because someone calls you a creeper, or creepy, doesn’t make you a bad person, but if every female friend you have is telling you that you make them uncomfortable then you are the fucking problem.
“I know I’m not a creeper, and everyone else knows, but I guess I’ve made a few faux pas with friends-of-friends” pretty much sums it up. Unfortunately, he clearly isn’t listening to what I’ve been telling him (and I’m the one who hasn’t been driven off – the rest of our female friends are flat-out avoiding him for their own safety and I can’t blame them one bit for it), and I can’t tell if it’s because I’m female or if it’s because I’m 10 years younger than he is.
He also has a tendency to get defensive, and he’s starting to retreat into Nice Guy territory.
It and the other letter are below the jump because it’s fucking creepy in there.
Edited to Add: It’s frankly depressing that this post has struck a chord with so many people, but I’m grateful and honored to be able to help the letter writers and to have given voice to what so many people were feeling.
Unfortunately the demands of moderating this discussion have become overwhelming this week, so as of Monday, August 13th comments are locked. Thank you for all of your insightful contributions and for making this one of the best commentspaces on the Web. He’s about 10 years older than the rest of us on average, divorced with two kids.And I know this is going to sound like every in-denial LW who ever wrote in to an advice columnist ever, but he’s not a bad guy.He’s fun to hang out with, he’s a devoted dad, he’s a loyal friend …and he’s driving away all of his female friends with his behavior.He’s mostly been concentrating on the other women: telling them to expose themselves, telling them their skirts weren’t flying high enough while they were dancing, hitting on them when he knows they have boyfriends.(My husband tells me Creeper has also hit on me a couple times, but I haven’t noticed it.) Most of this happens when he is drunk, but even sober he has a tendency to make sexist jokes or joke about sex and then tell us we have no sense of humor when we don’t find them funny.